May

Well, it's already May!! The craziness of last semester is over and I survived. 3 more classes, and I will be finished with my Masters degree. I'm very happy about that.

Lil M and I went to see Lang Lang, a very good Chinese Pianist on May 5. She was so adorable and kissed his picture when we got our bulletins. He really is very good and we enjoyed the concert, though, Lil M was tired and wanted to go home by the time he came on! She has told me several time since then that she's Lang Lang. :D I told her she can't be Lang Lang... she's a girl. She'd have to be a boy and not wear dresses and cut her hair! She said... she could just be a boy with long hair. lol.

She's been liking counting, adding, subtracting and adding money for the past couple of months, especially. One day, she got to come to my office and write on my white board and do some math problems. She loved that. :)

She made me a very beautiful bracelet for Mother's day (gave it to me early)... with Auntie Ellen. She and Auntie Ellen have gotten to hang out a bit recently... and I know they both like that!

Here are some spring pics. :)

Rapunzel day

Easter :)

Library fun!

Mommy's white board... really, it's fun!

Lil M and Baby B

Kindergarten art show

Kindergarten art show

Maggi Moo - stylin

Easter eggs!!

Easter

 

Lil M and Maggi Moo in the car

Peace.

Craziness almost over...

This semester in school has just been the toughest in a LONG, LONG time... not because the material is harder... but life was just crazy. I'll admit I took too much on. Yes, write that down. ;-)

The craziness has been dying down and I've got just shy of 2 weeks left of school. Then SUMMER break!!! :) Very excited about that. IF I can pass this semester, I'll only have 3 classes left toward my Masters. Let's see...

Lil M is doing great. Maggi is doing great. All is well. :)

Peace.

Fabulous

I've been sick this weekend (cold, ugh), but Lil M and I had a fabulous weekend in spite of it. :) Happy Easter!! (ps. my hair isn't this red... friend did some fun effect somehow. but i like it!)

Just the two of us...

T and G are moving into an apartment as of tomorrow. I am sad to see them go, but it is necessary for T to grow up and learn how to be on her own... I love her and wish her the very best, and will always be right here for her...

The two fosters are already gone. We had a rough weekend and I had to call and have immediate removal.

As of Thursday, it'll be just me and Lil M... and Maggi. :)

I've learned a TON throughout this fostering process. I'm not sure when I will foster again, or if I will. I will continue to pray about it and see how life turns out over the next few months. It is time right now, though, for me to concentrate on a) Lil M, b) my Masters and c) ME.

Peace to all. :)

Lil M

This one right here makes Mommy's heart Sing.

Peace.

Time

It occurred to me today that perhaps I'm trying to fit a square peg into a round hole in my life.

You see, I started fostering thinking I would eventually adopt again. But I don't see that happening. I don't 100% know that I want it to after all this. I've been trying to make someone fit into our lives, our family, when they aren't meant to. I'm not saying it couldn't happen. And to some extent, it has happened... but, really. If I'm completely honest with myself, I think maybe Lil M and I are meant to be by ourselves.

I've taken on the world, and it wasn't mine to take. Only God can do that. I can help, but if I can't figure out how to draw clearer boundaries in my life/heart, then I need to back off.

I have two fosters right now that aren't too bad. Not perfect, but not awful. Just in between somewhere. But with all the drama with T, I'm just not sure I can handle it anymore.  I don't want to hurt them, or be the cause of any issues for them. But, my health and my relationship with my daughter needs to start taking precedence.

I take too much on. I get that. Now, I've got to figure out what "balance" really means.

Peace.

How much is too much

So. T sort of went off the deep end this week. She didn't go to school. She didn't go to work. She didn't call in or anything, which means she doesn't have a job (from what I can tell). She found a new 'guy'... and has been over there since Wednesday. I'm a wreck. But, it's her life and her choice(s) to make. So, I've got to let it go.

I still have the other two girls, but have had them in respite this weekend. I need a break. I'm considering putting in notice for the first time ever. I just think I need a break for ME. I'm no good to anyone if I'm not OK.

And, I'm not feeling OK this weekend. I'm afraid I've hit my limit. :(

Peace.

Littles Gone and New Ones Come

In January the two little kids, Kayla and Chase, left to go live with their Mom (Jan 7). I hope it works out for them.

Then, I was asked to take a 16YO and her baby sister, 2YO. They came for a weekend of respite and then I decided to accept placement. I guess this is their 3rd week here with us now; they came on Jan 20.

All is reasonably calm for now. Next Tuesday we go to court to see if they will stay here for awhile longer or go live with "Daddy", a family friend.

My sister took Skippy (my male English Setter) for now, because he was stressing me out... he just wasn't happy and it was making us both unhappy. If it doesn't work out there, he'll go back to Sue's. It is unfortunate, but necessary for me. Maggi (my female Sheltie) is doing great. I've let her sleep in my room on the floor 3 nights in a row now.

School has been a challenge for me, just because of everything going on, but I'll manage. I can't wait to be finished with this degree. I really want it, but I really want it done now. lol.

Torrie started school this semester, but is thinking that she's not really ready. That's tough for me. But I'll deal. I've got to figure out how to get the state to still pay for this semester... if that's even possible at this point. :(

I really wish she wouldn't give up.

Peace.

PS. I've convinced Torrie to not fully give up this semester. She's taking 4 classes, and I just dropped one for her. She should be able to do at least the 2 classes if not the 3. We're going to talk about it again tonight. Prayers welcome. :)